Etiquette of Conversation

These are 10 reminders that can serve as an aid for having fruitful conversations. They can be used by couples when talking with one another, by Muslims in giving Da’waah to non-Muslims, or any other situation:

1) Don’t challenge. It is important not to challenge the other party as this can agitate their Kibar (pride) and make them more prone to disagreeing.

2) Don’t say “You are wrong.” When you try to show their error bluntly, they are more likely to hold on to their position even if they come to realize that they are wrong.

3) Admit you are wrong. If you realize that you are wrong about a certain point, don’t hesitate to acknowledge it. This will make them know that you are seeking the truth, and not trying to impose your own opinion.

4) Honest praise. Praise the good qualities of the other person. This is definitely a heart-softener. Do make sure that your praise is truthful and in its place.

5) Ask confirmatory questions. Ask questions for which you expect an affirmative reply from the other party. These will make them more close to the correct position you are trying to show them.

6) Leave the food for the bird on the ground; don’t expect it to come to you. When you want to get your correct position over to the other party, it is a good idea to propose it in the form of a suggestion and let the other party arrive at their decision by themselves; don’t force them to, for they won’t comply.

7) Don’t interrupt, listen attentively. This is very important. Nobody likes to be interrupted when they are speaking. Everybody likes to be listened to. Let them say all that they want to say and listen attentively, and when they are finished, start speaking. What is worse is to disagree with them while they are expressing their opinion.

8) Adapt their position. Put yourself in the other person’s position to see what is wrong with it. If you see nothing wrong, then there is probably nothing to argue about.

9) Common grounds. Try to highlight your common grounds so that you can resolve the issues in which you are disagreeing over. Allaah (subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa) commands us to give Da’wah to the Christians by showing them our common grounds and then rectifying where they went wrong (Surah Aali ‘Imraan, verse 64).

10) Move their feelings. Emotions play a major role in people’s decisions. Moving somebody’s feelings in a positive way (not hurting their feelings!) is likely to bring about good results.

The upshot of these points is to ask Allaah to help you and the other party to see the truth as truth and accept it, and see falsehood as falsehood and reject it, and to know that it is only by the will of Allaah that these points can bring about benefit.

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Originally adapted from a lecture by Shaykh ‘Adnaan ‘Abdul-Qaadir.

Etiquettes of Giving Salam

Drinking water after meals

Is drinking water after meals a sunnat or not?

A: Allāmah Ibnul Qayyim rehmatullāh ῾alayh has mentioned that the habit of  Nabi [SAW] was of not to drink immediately after eating as this is harmful to the digestion process. However, if there is a pressing need to drink immediately after that, then only drink enough to quench the thirst. One may then drink after some time elapses. NOTE: This elapsed time is estimated to be 20-30 minutes.

(Zādul Ma῾ād, Vol. 3, Pg. 114)

The etiquette of eating, with detailed evidence

What is the etiquette of eating?

Praise be to Allaah.

In Islam there is an etiquette for eating, which is divided into categories:

1 – Etiquette before eating:

1 – Washing the hands before eating. The hands should be washed before eating, so that they may be clean when a person eats with them, and so that he will not be harmed by any dirt that may be on them.

2 – Part of the etiquette of eating is to ask about the food if you are a guest and you do not know what it is (i.e., what type of food it is), and you are not sure about what has been offered to you. The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used not to eat food until he had been told about it or told what is was called, so that he would know what it was. Al-Bukhaari narrated from Khaalid ibn al-Waleed that he and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) entered upon Maymoonah, who was his [Khaalid’s] maternal aunt and the maternal aunt of Ibn ‘Abbaas, and found that she had some roasted lizard that her sister Hafeedah bint al-Haarith had brought from Najd. She offered the lizard to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), but he would rarely stretch forth his hand to food until he had been told what it was.  The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stretched forth his hand, then one of the women who were present said, “Tell the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that what has been offered to him is lizard.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) withdrew his hand from the lizard, and Khaalid ibn al-Waleed asked, “Is lizard haraam, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “No, but it is not found in the land of my people and I feel that I would have no liking for it. Khaalid said, Then I chewed it and ate it, and the Messenger of Allaah was looking at me.

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5391; Muslim, 1946)

Ibn al-Teen said: He used to ask, because the Arabs would eat anything because food was hard to come by amongst them. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) may not have liked some things, so that was why he asked. It may be understood as meaning that he used to ask because some animals were forbidden in sharee’ah and some were allowed, but they (the Arabs) did not regard anything as forbidden, and they may have brought him some grilled or cooked meat that could not have been distinguished from another type except by asking.

Fath al-Baari, 9/534

3 – Hastening to eat when food is brought by the host. Part of honouring one’s guest is to hasten to offer him something, and part of the guest’s honouring the host is to hasten to accept his food and eat from it. If the host sees the guest not eating, he may think badly of him. So the guest has to reassure his hosts by hastening to eat his food, because that will reassure him.

4 – Mentioning the name of Allaah before eating. It is obligatory to mention the name of Allaah before eating. What is meant by that is saying “Bismillaah (in the name of Allaah)” when starting to eat. It was narrated from Umm Kalthoom from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When any one of you eats, let him mention the name of Allaah. If he forgets to mention the name of Allaah at the beginning, then let him say ‘Bismillaahi awwalahu wa aakhirahu (In the name of Allaah at the beginning and at the end).’”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1858; Abu Dawood, 3767; Ibn Maajah, 3264. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood, 3202).

And ‘Umar ibn Abi Salamah said: I was a young boy in the care of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and my hand used to wander all over the platter (of food). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me, “O young boy, say Bismillaah, eat with your right hand, and eat from what is directly in front of you.”

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3576; Muslim, 2022).

2 – Etiquette whilst eating

1 – Eating with the right hand. It is obligatory for the Muslim to eat with his right hand; he should not eat with his left hand. It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one among you should eat with his left hand, or drink with it, for the Shaytaan eats with his left hand and drinks with it.”

(Narrated by Muslim, 2020).

This applies so long as there is no excuse; if a person has an excuse for not eating and drinking with his right hand, such as sickness or injury etc., then there is nothing wrong with his eating with his left hand.

The hadeeth indicates that a person should avoid doing actions that resemble the actions of the Shaytaan.

2 – Eating from what is directly in front of one. It is Sunnah for a person to eat from the food that is directly in front of him, and not reach out to take food that is directly in front of others, or from the middle of the platter, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to ‘Umar ibn Abi Salamah, “O young boy, say Bismillaah, eat with your right hand, and eat from what is directly in front of you.”

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3576; Muslim, 2022).

For a person to eat from his companion’s place is bad manners and impolite. His companion may find this off-putting, especially if the food is soupy etc. That is because Ibn ‘Abbaas narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The blessing descends in the middle of the food, so eat from the edges and do not eat from the middle.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1805; Ibn Maajah, 3277. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 829).

But if the food is dates or something of that type, (the scholars) narrated that it is permissible to eat from all parts of the plate.

3 – Washing the hands after eating. The Sunnah may be done by washing with water only. Ibn Raslaan said: But it is better to wash the hands with potash or soap or something similar.

See Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 5/485.

So washing the hands is mustahabb both before and after eating, even if a person has wudoo’.

4 – Rinsing the mouth after eating. It is mustahabb to rinse the mouth after eating, because Basheer ibn Yassaar narrated that Suwayd ibn al-Nu’maan told him that they were with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in al-Sahba’ – which is some distance from Khaybar – and the time for prayer came. He called for food, but he did not find anything but some saweeq (barley mush). So he ate some and we all ate with him. Then he called for water and rinsed out his mouth, and then he prayed, and we prayed, and he did not do wudoo’.

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5390).

5 – Praying for one’s host. Anas narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to Sa’d ibn ‘Ubaadah who brought him some bread and oil, and he ate. Then the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “May fasting people break their fast with you, may the righteous eat your food, and may the angels send blessings upon you.”

(Narrated by Abu Dawood, 3854; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood, 3263).

6 – Eating with three fingers. The Sunnah is to eat with three fingers; eating with more than three fingers is a sign of greed and is bad manners, because there is no need for more than three in order to gather up a morsel. If it is necessary to use more than three, because the food is light and cannot be gathered in three fingers, then he may use the fourth or fifth.

See Fath al-Baari, 9/578

This applies if a person is eating with his hand. But there is nothing wrong with using a spoon etc, as we shall see below.

7 – Eating a piece of food that falls on the floor. If a piece of food falls on the floor, then the person eating should remove any dirt that gets onto it and eat it; he should not leave it for the Shaytaan, because he does not know where the blessing is in his food; it may be in the piece that fell, and leaving it makes a person miss out on the blessing of the food. Anas ibn Maalik narrated that when the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ate, he would lick his three fingers. Anas said: “And he said, ‘If any one of you drops a piece of food, let him remove any dirt from it and eat it, and not leave it for the Shaytaan.’ And he commanded us to clean the plate, and said, ‘For you do not know where in your food the blessing is.’” (Narrated by Muslim, 2034).

8 – Not reclining whilst eating. That is because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I do not eat whilst I am reclining.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5399). The scholars differed as to what reclining meant. Ibn Hajar said: The scholars differed as to what reclining meant. It was said that it means being too comfortable in sitting to eat in whatever manner; or that it meant leaning on one side; or that it meant resting with one’s left arm on the ground… Ibn ‘Adiyy narrated with a da’eef (weak) isnaad that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) rebuked a man for resting on his left arm when eating. Maalik said, this is a kind of reclining. I say, this indicates that Maalik regarded as makrooh everything that may be counted as reclining whilst eating, and he did not mention any one specific type thereof.

Fath al-Baari, 9/541

9 – Not spitting or blowing one’s nose whilst eating, unless that is necessary.

10 – The etiquette of eating also includes: eating with a group; not speaking about haraam things whilst eating; eating with one’s wives and children; not keeping a particular food to oneself unless there is a reason for that, such as it being for medicinal purposes – rather one should offer the best food to others first, such as pieces of meat and soft or good bread. If the guest has had enough and stops eating, his host should say, “Eat!” and repeat it, so long as he does not think that his guest has had enough, but he should not repeat it more than three times.  He should clean between his teeth and not swallow any bits of food that come out from between his teeth.

3 – Etiquette after finishing eating.

It is Sunnah to say the words of praise to Allaah and du’aa’ after one has finished eating. When he had finished eating, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, “Al-hamdu Lillaahi hamdan katheeran tayyiban mubaarakan fihi ghayra makfiyyin wa laa muwadda’in wa laa mustaghnan ‘anhu rabbana (Praise be to Allaah, much good and blessed praise. O our Lord, You are not in need of anyone, and we cannot do without Your favour nor dispense with it).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5458).

And whenever he ate food other than milk, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would say, “Allaahumma baarik lana fihi, wa at’imna khayran minhu (O Allaah, bless it for us and feed us with better than it).” And when he drank milk he would say,  “Allaahumma baarik lana fihi wa zidna minhu (O Allaah, bless it for us and give us more.).” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3377; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 381).

Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever is fed by Allaah, let him say, ‘Allaahumma baarik lana fihi, wa at’imna khayran minhu (O Allaah, bless it for us and feed us with better than it).’ And whoever is given milk to drink by Allaah, let him say, ‘Allaahumma baarik lana fihi wa zidna minhu (O Allaah, bless it for us and give us more)’.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3455; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 2749).

4 – General etiquette regarding food

1 – Not criticizing the food. Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never criticized any food. If he liked it he would eat it and if he did not like it he would leave it. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3370; Muslim, 2046)

What is referred to here is permissible food; as for haraam food he would criticize it and forbid it.

Al-Nawawi said: Part of the confirmed etiquette of food is not to criticize it such as saying it is too salty, or too sour, or not salty enough, or thick, or thin, or not well-cooked, etc. Ibn Battaal said: This is part of good manners, because a person may not like food that others like, but there is nothing wrong with eating anything that is permitted in sharee’ah.

Sharh Muslim, 14/26.

2 – Part of the etiquette of eating is moderation in eating and not filling the stomach. The most that a Muslim is permitted to do in this regard is to divide his stomach into three thirds: one-third for food, one-third for drink and one-third for air. “A man does not fill any vessel worse than his stomach. It is sufficient for the son of Adam to eat enough to keep him alive. But if he must do that, then one-third for his food, one-third for his drink and one-third for his air.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2380; Ibn Maajah, 3349; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1939).

This keeps the body healthy and light, because eating one’s fill makes the body heavy, which leads to laziness in worship and work. One-third is defined as being one-third of that which would make you feel full.

Al-Mawsoo’ah, 25/332

3 – Avoiding eating and drinking from vessels of gold and silver, because that is haraam. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not wear silk or brocade, and do not drink from vessels of gold and silver, or eat from plates thereof. They are for them in this world and for us in the Hereafter.”

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5426; Muslim, 2067)

And Allaah knows best.

4 – Praising Allaah after finishing eating. There is a great deal of virtue in this. It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah is pleased with His slave when he eats something and praises Him for it, or drinks something and praises Him for it.” (narrated by Muslim, 2734).

Several ways of praising Allaah have been narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):

1 – Al-Bukhaari narrated that Abu Umaamah said: When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) finished eating, he would say, “Al-hamdu Lillaah hamdan katheeran mubaarakan fihi ghayra makfiyyin wa laa muwadda’in wa laa mustaghnan ‘anhu rabbana (Praise be to Allaah, much good and blessed praise. O our Lord, You are not in need of anyone, and we cannot do without Your favour nor dispense with it).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5458).

Ibn Hajar said: “ ‘ghayra makfiyyin (You are not in need of anyone)’ means that He has no need of any of His slaves but He is the One Who feeds His slaves and suffices them.”

2 – It was narrated from Mu’aadh ibn Anas that his father said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever eats some food then says, ‘Al-hamdu Lillaahi allahi at’amani haadha wa razaqnihi min ghayri hawlin minni wa laa quwwata (Praise be to Allaah Who has fed me this and provided me with it with no power or strength on my part),’ his previous sins will be forgiven.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3458; Ibn Maajah, 3285; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 3348).

3 – It was narrated that Abu Ayyoob al-Ansaari (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ate or drank anything, he would say, ‘Al-hamdu Lillaah alladhi at’ama wa saqaa wa sawwaghahu wa ja’ala lahu makhrajan (Praise be to Allaah Who has given food and drink,made it easy to swallow and provided an exit for it).’” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 3851 and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani).

4 – It was narrated from ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Jubayr that a man who served the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) for eight years told him that he used to hear the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying, when food was brought near him, “Bismillaah.” And when he had finished eating he would say, “Allaahumma at’amta wa asqayta wa hadayta wa ahyayta, fa laka’l-hamd ‘ala ma a’tayta (O Allaah, You have fed, given to drink, guided and brought to life, so praise be to You for what You have given).” (Narrated by Ahmad, 16159; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1/111)

Note: it is mustahabb to use all the words of praise that have been narrated to be said after finishing eating. So you can say one du’aa’ on one occasion, another du’aa’ on another occasion, and so on, so that you will have followed the Sunnah in all ways and attain the blessing of these du’aa’s, as well as feeling the meanings of these words in your heart when you say them on various occasions, because if you get used to saying a particular du’aa’ all the time, you think less about its meaning, because you have said it so often.

From al-Adaab by al-Shalhoob, p. 155.
Islam Q&A

The Manners of Companionship

As salaamu’alaykum warahmatulaah wabarakatu

The Manners of Companionship

By Imaam Badrud-Deen al-Ghazzee (d.984H)

Learn twelve qualities of good companionship in order to further your knowledge and practice of the Religion of Allaah.

Your life at the present moment is in between the past and the future. So what has preceded can be rectified by tawbah (repentance), nadam (regret) and istighfaar (seeking Allaah’s forgiveness). This is something that will neither tire you, nor cause you to toil as you would with strenuous labour. Rather it is an action of the heart.

The Shaykh – rahimahullaah – said, [2]

Know O pious brother – may Allaah make our affairs good – that the manners of companionship and good relationships are of various types, of which I will explain, such as will show the person of intellect the manners of the Believers and the Pious; and come to know that Allaah the Most Perfect, the Most High has made them a mercy and helpers towards each other, which is why the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘‘The example of the Believers, in their mutual love and mercy is like the example of a body, if one part feels pain, then all of the body suffers in sleeplessness and fever.’’ [3] And he (’alayhis-salaam) said, ‘‘The Believer to the Believer is like a solid building, one part supporting the other.’’ [4] The Prophet (’alayhis-salaam) also said, ‘‘The souls are arrayed armies, so those who knew each one another before, will be friendly…’’ [5] So if Allaah intends good for His servants, He grants them companionship of the people of the Sunnah, righteousness and adherence to the Religion.; and keeps him free from the companionship of the people of innovations. The Prophet (’alayhis-salaam) said, ‘‘A person is upon the religion of his friend, so let every one of you look to whom he keeps as a friend.’’ [6]

‘About a person, do not ask, but ask about his companion;

Since every companion follows his friends.’

From the manners of companionship:

GOOD MANNERS:

Good manners with the brothers, peers and companions, following the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) as he said, when it was said to him, ‘What is the best of what a person is given?’ So he replied, ‘‘Good manners.’’ [7]

MAKING ONE’S OPINION GOOD:

From the manners of companionship is behaving well regarding the faults that he sees of his companions, since Ibn Maazin said, ‘The Believer seeks excuses for his brothers, whilst the hypocrite seeks out their faults.’ And Hamdoon al-Qassaar said, ‘If one of your brothers commits an error, then seek ninety excuses for him, and if not, then you are the blameworthy one.’


COMPANIONSHIP WITH THE BELIEVERS:

To keep companionship with one whose Religion you trust and who is trustworthy, both inwardly and outwardly. Allaah the – Most High – says,

‘‘You will not find anyone who believes in Allaah and the Last Day, making friendship with those who oppose Allaah and His Messenger, even though they were their fathers, sons, brothers or their relatives. For such He has written eemaan (faith) in their hearts, and strengthened them with a spirit (proofs, light and guidance) from Himself. And We will admit them into gardens underneath which rivers flow, to dwell therein forever. Allaah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him. They are the Party of Allaah, indeed it is the Party of Allaah that will be successful.’’ [Sooratul-Mujaadilah 58:22]

FORMS OF COMPANIONSHIP:

For the Shaykhs and elders: with respect to service and to carry out their needs. For those of the same peer group and those of the ‘middle rank’: with sincere advice, giving what you have and being prepared to carry out their wishes. For the students and younger ones: by guidance, teaching of manners, carrying out what knowledge demands, guidance to the manners of the Sunnah, rulings concerning the matters of the heart, and to guide them to develop good manners.


OVERLOOKING MISTAKES:

From the manners of companionship is overlooking mistakes of the brothers and not reprimanding them. So al-Fudayl Ibn ’Iyaad (d.187H) said, ‘Chivalry is to overlook the mistakes of the brothers.’ Ibnul-A’raabee (d.231H) said, ‘Forgetting the harms caused by the brothers, causes you love of them to persist.’ So it is binding upon the Believer, that he avoids seekers of this world, since they will bring him down to the level of seeking it, and this will distance him from his salvation and it will distance him from remaining alert and being aware of it. Rather, he must strive hard in attaining the companionship of the good and the seekers of the Hereafter. Therefore, Dhun-Noon (d.245H) said to the one whom he advised, ‘Accompany the one whom you will be safe from outwardly, and whom – when you see him – it helps you in doing good and reminds you of your Lord.’

AGREEMENT WITH THE BROTHERS:

And from them is: not to differ much with the brothers, but continue agreeing with the brothers in those things allowed by knowledge and the Sharee’ah. Aboo ’Uthmaan said, ‘Agreeing with the brothers is better than showing compassion for them.’


LEAVING OF ENVY:

That he does not envy the signs of Allaah’s bounty upon them. Rather, he should be happy for that and praise Allaah for it, just as he would praise Allaah if it were seen upon him. Allaah – the Most High – censures the envious one,

‘‘Or do they envy men for what Allaah has given them from His bounty.’’ [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:94]

The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘‘Do not envy one another.’’ [8]

TO KEEP A FEELING OF MODESTY:

That he has hayaa‘ (modesty and shame) at all times, as he – ’alayhis-salaam – said, ‘‘Faith (eemaan) has sixty or seventy odd branches, the most excellent of them is witnessing that none has the right to be worshipped besides Allaah, and the lowest branch is removing something harmful from the road, and hayaa‘ is from eemaan.’’ [9] He – ’alayhis-salaam – also said, ‘‘Hayaa‘ is from eemaan, and eemaan is from Paradise. Speaking obscenely is from coarseness and coarseness is from the Fire.’’ [10]

COMPANIONSHIP OF THE DIGNIFIED:

To accompany the one who he has a feeling of respect for, so that this prevents from acting contrary to the Sharee’ah. ’Alee (radiyallaahu ’anhu) said, ‘‘Enliven your feeling of hayaa‘ (shame), by sitting before those whom you feel shame. Ahmad Ibn Hanbal (d.241H) – rahimahullaah – said, ‘‘I have not been led into calamity except by accompanying those before whom I do not feel shame.’’

SHOWING HAPPINESS:

To have cheerfulness of the face, kindness of the tongue, largeness of the heart, outspreading the hands, withholding anger, leaving off pride, keeping people’s honour in mind and showing happiness at their companionship and brotherhood.

COMPANIONSHIP OF THE WISE SCHOLAR:

From good companionship is that he does not accompany except a Scholar, of a person who is mild, intelligent and has knowledge. Dhun-Noonrahimahullaah – said, ‘Allaah has not disrobed any one of His servants or a robe better than intellect, and has not adorned him with a necklace better than knowledge, nor adorned him with anything better than mildness. And the completeness of that is taqwaa (fear of Allaah).’

GIVING SINCERE ADVICE:

Having a clean heart with regards to the brothers and advising them, as Allaah – the Most High – said,

‘‘Except he who comes to Allaah with a clean heart.’’ [Sooratush-Shu’araa 26:89]

Saree as-Saqatee (d.257H) – rahimahullaah – said, ‘One of the best manners of righteousness is having a good heart as regards the brothers and to give them sincere advice.’

NOT BREAKING PROMISES:

Since this is from hypocrisy, and he – ’alayhis-salaatu was-salaam – said, ‘‘The signs of the hypocrite are three: When he speaks he lies, when he makes a promise he breaks it and when he is entrusted he acts deceptively.’’ [11] Sufyaan ath-Thawree (d.164H) – rahimahullaah – said, ‘‘Do not make a promise to your brother and then break it, so that love turns to hate.’

Footnotes:

[1] He is the muftee and faqeeh, Abul-Barakaat Badrud-Deen al-Ghazzee. For his biography, refer to Shadharaatudh-Dhahab (8/403-406) of Ibnul-’Imaad and al-A’laam (7/59) of az-Ziriklee.

[2] From Aadaabul-’Ishrah wa Dhikrus-Suhbah wal-Ukhuwwah (p. 9-20) with the checking and authentication of hadeeth based upon that of Shaykh ’Alee Hasan al-Halabee and also Shaykh Mashhoor Hasan Salmaan.

[3] Related by al-Bukhaaree (no. 6011) and Muslim (no. 2586), from an-Nu’maan Ibn Basheer (radiyallaahu ’anhu).

[4] Related by al-Bukhaaree (no. 481) and Muslim (no. 2585), from Aboo Moosaa al-Ash’aree (radiyallaahu ’anhu).

[5] Saheeh: Related by al-Bukhaaree (6/369) with ta’leeq (suspension), from ’Aa‘ishah (radiyallaahu ’anhaa). It was connected by Aboo Ya’laa in al-Musnad (no. 4381) with an isnaad whose narrators are from as-Saheeh – as occurs in al-Majma’ (8/88) of al-Haythamee.

[6] Hasan: Related by Ahmad (2/303), Aboo Daawood (no. 4812) and at-Tirmidhee (no. 2484), from Aboo Hurayrah (radiyallaahu ’anhu). It was authenticated by Imaam an-Nawawee in Riyaadus-Saaliheen (no. 174).

[7] Saheeh: Related by Wakee’ in az-Zuhd (no. 423), Ibn Hibbaan (1/427) and at-Tabaraanee in al-Kabeer (1/147), from Usaamah Ibn Shareek (radiyallaahu ’anhu). It was authenticated by al-Haafidh al-’Iraaqee in Takhreejul-Ihyaa‘ (2/157).

[8] Related by al-Bukhaaree (10/484) and Muslim (no. 2564), from Aboo Hurayrah (radiyallaahu ’anhu).

[9] Related by al-Bukhaaree (1/44) and Muslim (1/46)

[10] Saheeh: Related by Ahmad (2/501) and at-Tirmidhee (no. 2077) with a saheeh isnaad, from Aboo Hurayrah (radiyallaahu ’anhu).

[11] Related by al-Bukhaaree (5/289) and Muslim (1/76)

Avoid Gluttony

Modesty is the crown (hallmark) of the common people. Keep this crown on your head if invited to a feast or if you are presented with food or drink. Do not be gluttonous devouring food as if you have not eaten for a long time, or as if you have not seen such excellent food before. Do not sample every dish on the table. People, even generous hosts disapprove of greedy eaters. Be reasonable and moderate in enjoying the generosity of your hosts.

{A man burped whilst in the company of the Prophet (saw), so the Prophet (saw) said: Keep your burping away from us! Verily, the ones who fill their stomachs the most in the Dunya (this world) will suffer the most from hunger on the Day of Judgement. (Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Al-Hakim)}

Morals Pertaining to Friday and its Prayers

On friday, one is required to observe the following:

1) To prepare himself for Friday prayer since thursday and friday night by cleaning his body and washing clothes.

2) To perform Ghusl before going to mosque to offer Friday prayer.

3) To beautify himself by using Miswak to brush teeth, wearing perfume, shaving pubic hair, trimming moustache, applying olive oil on head and clipping nails.

4) To walk to the Masjid early to pray Friday prayers and to intend to observe itikaf in the Masjid.

5) To avoid stepping over other’s neck in the Masjid.

6) To avoid walking infront of those praying.

7) To pray in the first row.

8) To repeat the adhan behind the Muaddhin and to listen attentively to the Friday khutbah.

9) To offer 2,4 or 6 rakaat sunnah prayers after the Fardh prayer. This should not be done immediately after the fardh prayers. One should do so after talking to someone or leaving his place.

10) To stay in the Masjid till ‘Asr.

11) To seize the honourable hour in which Allah answers the call of His devout servants. Some scholars say it is the time between imam sitting down and till friday prayer finishes. Others say it is the last hour after the ‘Asr prayer. Abu Bakr al-Athram [Rahimahullah] says that the hour may move between the above mentioned times.

12) Sending Salawat excessively upon the Prophet[Sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam].

13) To recite Surah al-Kahf.

[Mukhtasar Minhaj al Qasidin]

GOLD AND SILVER CUTLERY

Do not eat using golden or silver plates or cutlery. This goes against the spirit of Islamic modesty. Pomposity is not an Islamic trait. Bukhari narrated that Huzaifa said the Prophet SAWS said ‘Do not drink in golden or silver cups nor eat in such plates.’ If you were a guest, simply ask your host to replace it with another one.

Drinking

Drinking manners are no less important. To start in the name of Allah is a must. Use your right hand to drink. Abo Dawood and Tirmizi related that Hafsa (RA) said ‘the Prophet SAWS used his right hand for eating and drinking. He used his left for other things [such as personal hygiene].’

Do not pour your drink down your throat in one gulp. Drink it in three sips. Ibn Abbas reported that the Prophet SAWS said ‘Do not drink like a camel. Drink twice or thrice. Say the name of Allah before drinking. Thank Allah after finishing. Do not exhale in your glass. This will irritate others and will smudge the glass or the cup. Ibn Abbas reported that the Prophet SAWS forbade exhaling in a glass or puffing into it. Do not drink directly from the jug or the container. Beside being unhygienic behaviour, others may want to drink after you who could be irritated. Abo Huraira narrated that the Prophet SAWS forbade drinking directly from the mouth of the sheepskin or the flask.

The Manners of Eating

There are certain table manners that are indispensable. Say ‘Bismillah’ when starting, to thank Allah and say ‘Alhamdulilah’ when finished. Eat what is in front of you. Eat using your right hand. A hypocrite was eating with his left hand when the Prophet SAWS saw him and advised him to eat with his right. The man falsely said ‘But I cannot’ The Prophet SAWS said ‘May it be so’ and the hypocrite was not able to lift his right hand again.

The companions of the Prophet SAWS followed his example in stressing the use of the right hand while eating. Omar was Khalifa when he saw a man eating with his left hand and similarly advised him to eat with his right. The man answered ‘My right is busy’ Omar repeated his request and the man repeated his answer. Omar asked him ‘What is it busy with?’ The man answered that it had been severed in one of the battles. Omar blamed himself for neglecting such handicap and ordered the treasurer to provide the man with a servant to help him.

If eating with your hand, use three fingers with small bites, lifting it gently with ease to your mouth. Close your mouth while eating to avoid unnecessary noises. To eat on the floor is nearer to what the Prophet SAWS used to do. However, there is no problem to eat at a table. Imam Ghazali said, ‘To eat at a table is to make eating easier and there is nothing against that.’ Do not start eating ahead of the elders or the nobles. If you are the elder, do not commence eating before everyone is at the table.

It is preferred that eating should not be conducted in silence. It is good manners to talk during meals. Topics should be nice stories suitable for eating. At the end of the meal, if hands are to be washed, the elder or the noble should be asked to proceed first.

At the end of a meal, thank Allah as in the Hadith reported by Abo Dawood and Nasa’i in ‘the deeds of day and night.’ Thank Allah who fed us and provided us with drink. It is very appropriate to make a prayer for your hosts as it is reported by Muslim that Al-Migdad ibn Al-Aswad reported that the Prophet SAWS said, ‘May Allah feed those who have fed us, and provide drinks to those who provided us with it.’

Do not express your disapproval or dislike of certain foods. Either eat it or pass it over quietly. Abu Huraira reported that ‘the Prophet SAWS never expressed his dislike of a food. If he liked it he will eat it. If he disliked it, he will set aside.

Do not put in your plate more than you can eat. Leftovers could be thrown out, it shouldn’t, and wasted. Put smaller portions twice rather than one large portion that you will not eat. The Prophet SAWS did not approve of leaving any food in a plate since as he SAWS said ‘You don’t know which portion is blessed‘. Food is a blessing of Allah, to misuse it is contrary to Islam. Do not forget the poor and the needy who do not have the portion you are throwing away.

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